The One That Got Away
I’m not actually talking about unrequited love. I’m talking about goals! And actually, there are several goals that have gotten away. I’m going to share a bit about several goals that were NOT accomplished and why I still LOVE setting goals!
I often set annual goals either around my birthday or around the new year. There are several goals that have shown up several years, like the cafe I’ve been threatening to open for the past two to three decades. My goals for my 34th year included learning to play the song Poinciana by Ahmad Jamal on the piano. The exact same item showed up in my goals for my 45th year. Womp womp! Spoiler: I’m now in my 49th year and I am still nowhere near being able to play Poinciana.
That same year - my 45th - my primary goal was as follows:
Goal: Develop a new level of mastery as a community developer
My reflection at the end of that year was as follows:
Result: Not yet, but boy did I go to school!
The cheeky reference to “going to school,” reflected the fact that I gained extraordinary experience that year; perhaps describable as trial by fire. Be careful what you ask for!
That year (my 45th), I only accomplished one of my seven stated goals. I’d set a goal to weigh 172 - 175lbs. I was in that range for a meaningful portion of that year and finished the year slightly under the range and marked that goal as “achieved.”
With such a meager scorecard - 14.3% of goals accomplished for my 45th year - one might imagine I would give up on goals altogether. But the following year, I was right back at it and set nine new goals. Well, not all of them were new. There were reruns, including a goal about maintaining my weight and a goal about increasing my income (which has admittedly been a stubborn goal).
So, why do I do it?
First of all, setting goals is my way of stating my intentions for my life. It’s like setting my GPS for the destination to which I want to arrive. When new issues arise and seem likely to claim priority, I can reflect on my goals and determine whether or not it is appropriate to promote or demote these new items. In other words, the goals help me to be intentional about my priorities.
Secondly, I do often achieve my goals. Goal experts will note that goals that are more specific (like my weight goal during my 45th year) are more likely to be achieved than broader goals (like developing “mastery” as a community developer). In 2012, I had some massive financial goals, including paying off all of my college loans and a sizeable Home Equity Line of Credit. I’ve had goals of saving to provide for my children’s education, which was a very lofty goal. I’ve written down goals specifying the characteristics of my dream home, including the spaces included in the home and the amenities that would be accessible within walking distance. These big goals appeared on my list in different forms over the years and when my financial circumstances offered opportunities to fulfill them, they were first on the list and were therefore satisfied!
Two notes on timing
When I look back at my annual goals, there are many years where the goals are not accomplished in the year the goal was set, but like the payoff of my college loans, many were achieved eventually.
Also, in order to significantly increase the chance a goal is accomplished, it helps if it is broken down into smaller steps that are actionable on a weekly basis (and sometimes even on a daily basis). For example, my weight goal benefitted from a weekly focus, where I’d commit to do 150 minutes of cardio, or stay within my Weight Watchers points during the week.
Additional Goal Boosters
SMART goals are, indeed, “smart!” This means goals should be:
Specific (i.e. weigh between 172 and 175 lbs)
Measurable
Achievable (I weighted less than 200 lbs when I set this goal so I didn’t need to lose more than 25 lbs that year, which felt reasonable)
Relevant (it was important to me because I was feeling sluggish and uncomfortable)
Time-Bound (I gave myself a year to do it)
Behavioral goals can be very powerful! My goal of playing Poinciana is an “outcome goal.” It’s likely I’d have a much greater chance of success if I set a “behavioral” goal like, “find a piano teacher by xx/xx/xxxx,” or “practice playing piano 90 minutes per week.” I return to the example with the weight goal, where I’d set mini-behavioral goals like 150 minutes of cardio each week.
For many of us, “going public” with our goal can be helpful. Creating accountability partners by sharing our goals within a supportive community creates a “commitment device,” which has been demonstrated through research to aid many people in aligning their behavior with their values.
Expert guidance has been proven to be an essential component of behavior change and can be priceless when behavior change is needed to achieve a goal. This is why my first mini-goal - if I want to learn to play Poinciana - would be to find a piano teacher.
From Aqua-Immobile to Triathlete in One Year
In June of 2025, a friend sent a note to a group of us about the importance of knowing how to swim. I used this note as a prompt to commit to the group (public) that I would reach out to at least two (specific and measurable) swim instructors to inquire about individual lessons within two weeks (time bound). By the end of June I was in the shallow pool with my new instructor (expert guidance). At the time I could not swim three strokes in a row and I set a goal after my second lesson to be able to swim two lengths of the pool continuously by September 30.
On July 12, 2025 in a Weight Watchers meeting, the coach asked what we’d like to achieve by the end of the summer. I stated out loud (public) that I wanted to swim one length of the pool by the end of the summer. She asked what I’d be willing to give to earn that. After some consideration, I said that for each lesson I took, I’d practice four times within the same week (behavioral goal). As such, I was in the pool five days of each week for several months. Shockingly, I was able to swim one length of the pool by the end of July. I graduated myself to the deep pool in early August. By the end of September I did NOT achieve my goal of swimming two lengths continuously. I re-set the goal to November 30. I got to two lengths October 23 and by the end of November I was able to swim six lengths (150m). I eventually began to see myself as a triathlete and on June 16, 2026 (10 days shy of one year from the beginning), I completed my first sprint triathlon (400yd swim + 10 mile ride + 5k run).
One final suggestion
Note in the triathlete story above I did NOT achieve my goal of swimming two lengths by September 30. I simply re-set the goal and kept moving. I then crushed (if I may say so) my revised goal and kept moving forward.
It’s important to find a way to mitigate the “two D’s” when we don’t achieve a goal: “Demotivation” and it’s bigger badder brother, “Demoralization.”
The primary suggestion I can offer to mitigate the two D’s is to remind yourself that the achievement of the goal does not determine your value as a person. No one goal can determine your value. In fact the goal itself is your attempt at memorializing what it is you value. As previously stated, the goal can help you prioritize. When you don’t achieve a goal, it could be because you don’t value the goal as much as you think you do, or you are still planting seeds and the harvest is yet to come and most importantly it can occur because something else more important took precedent.
Free of the burden of “self valuation,” goals can be awesome tools and they also create rich food for reflection.
I hope your goals are set with a spirit of wellbeing,
wellbeingGrant