Playing with the creator
Originally published on February 5th, 2025
Welcome to spiritual wellbeing post #2. The soundtrack to this post is “Promises” by Floating Points, Pharoah Sanders and The London Symphony Orchestra.
I went to a prayer retreat a couple of weeks ago. I was instructed to identify an area of life or a memory that engendered shame or fear. I was to present this thought to God and have a spiritual conversation about it. So I went off on my own to find a spot in which to do this “exercise.” There was a room I had discovered just off the gymnasium that had a fireplace; and I LOVE a fireplace. I decided to go in there even though the youth group that was also using the retreat center that weekend had reserved the gym and were in there having a blast and making a ton of noise. But there was no one in the room with the fireplace and I had my headphones, so I put on some music (the same music you might be listening to now if you clicked on the YouTube link above).
Even though I had my headphones on, some of the kids were coming in and out of the room, but they weren’t too much of a distraction so I just kept dialoguing and listening.
I had this dialogue with God about an area of shame. I expressed shame about not achieving some of my goals and I also felt shame about the goals themselves. The dialogue opened up a sense of peace. We were prompted in the retreat to write down what we believe God would say in response to us about the area we brought up. As I imagined what God would say to me, I felt seen and loved. We were prompted to hear God saying, “I am greater than what you are experiencing.” When I reflected on this idea, what came to me was, “God, Everything, Love is EVERYWHERE. Confusion and delusion come from mistaking what things are about.”
So I asked, “how do I escape the delusion?”
What I heard was, “Just come and be with me. Pursue joy, fun, peace! I am everywhere. In your struggle, I am there. In your tension, I am there. Everything is a reminder to be with me. This is the best thing you can do, and I will show you how.”
At some point as I was reflecting on all this, the following words came into my heart: “To find love, have fun! Everything is about love.”
Then something prompted me to open my eyes, and a basketball was rolling towards me, and it stopped right in front of me. As you can see in the photograph below, there was no one else in the room at the time (no other humans, at least... lol). The door was open, so the basketball rolled in from the gym and brought my attention back to the kids screaming, hootin’ and hollering and having a blast. I burst out laughing.
Interestingly, in response to one of my earlier posts (“A Celebration of Rest”), one of our readers shared her beautiful practice of walking with God each day at sunrise. Her response reminds me to be intentional about finding that time to connect with the Source. I haven’t discovered “our practice” yet. I’m guessing it will involve music somehow, but my mind and heart are open. I just made myself lol by picturing myself “freestyling” in the mirror like Issa Rae does on the show “Insecure,” … but with God!
lol.. as often as possible…
If you have a regular practice for connecting, I’d LOVE to hear about it. Please share in the comments..
Stay connected,
Wellbeing Grant
